The Girl on Vacation

It’s funny when you meet someone who is a reflection of yourself at an earlier age- but she was just that for me. She sat down at the table I was sitting at, on the crowded deck of the coffee shop.  She was friendly and asked to share our table. My husband was in line getting us coffee,  and I was saving us a seat with a good view of the ocean.

I recall my first thoughts when she struck up a conversation with me.  She was exactly the kind of woman that my husband would like. It was just a random thought, not based on jealousy.  She was dark haired, fresh faced, very feminine with a warm smile.

I realized that she was very much like me when I first met my husband.

She was younger than me of course, but she was also less jaded, less serious, and friendlier, warmer. She had that way of making sure that people knew she was listening to them, like they were the most interesting person in the room.

Now, I was no slouch. I was dressed in leather and riding on the back of his Harley down the Big Sur.  My husband’s friends typically think he has it good- I’m a triple header. I look pretty good for my age, I’m nice to all his friends,  and I encourage his hobbies like motorcycles. Still I was struck by how 20 years after we met, I am no longer like this girl.

And, It’s been a long time since I have been innocent and flirty with him.  You know, the way women speak to men they’re dating.  They hang on their every word, and ask questions about things they aren’t really interested in like “How did you learn to ride a big motorcycle like that?”  No matter how often men tell me that they can’t stand a “femmes fatale” they all seem to trip over themselves to pick up her hanky when she drops it.

Still, rather than being jealous of the woman, I was sad for me.  When did I get so serious? When did I lose my sense of wonder at everyday things? When did I forget I have an amazing husband who many women find attractive?

And, I was right. My husband showed up faithfully with our drinks. And, quickly, he was drawn to her- chatting and making friendly conversation.  I wouldn’t call it flirty- he has too much class to flirt with a women with his wife sitting there.  But, there was a heightened sense of interest- one you can see when you know someone very well.

They chatted until it was time to go. She mentioned how she’d love to live on the coast, but couldn’t because of her 12 year old.  He laughed and responded “Wow, you have a son that old? When did you have him, when you were 10?”

And I remembered that my husband was a very smooth operator when he got my attention 20 years ago.  And, I smiled at her when we said good-bye, even though I was feeling much less friendly by then.

As we mounted the bike and got back on the road, I realized I wanted to kick his ass a little.  And I had to admit,  it was my own fault.  I knew he used to treat me like that, and my husband probably missed the flirty and fun girl I used to be that fell by the wayside.

Somewhere inside me the girl I used to be still exists. And I need to get her back.

We probably both miss her.

 

 

Comments

  1. This is very good and so timely. I was thinking the other day how much I don’t do the thing to Alan that I did when we were younger. He touches me whenever I am near and I don’t do that to him. He wants to stay connected to me and I just want to run. I found myself thinking of why that is. He is a wonderful husband and I am proud to be married to him but I have not showed he in so long that I wonder if he believes I do. That flirty girl that could not keep her hands to herself is gone. I think sometimes we just let that go because women our age should be more serious and not flirty because we have our man. What a wake up call. I need to find that flirty feminine women again. thank you

    • Thinking it’s because I should be more serious didn’t even occur to me Dawn. I think one of the great things about aging is that we don’t have to be as serious- I feel like I’ve paid my dues, and not many things rattle my cage as when I was younger. I have to admit, it’s more likely for me that I’m taking him for granted- which is very sad because he’s a good guy. Thanks for the interesting thoughts and good luck with gettin’ your flirty on! Virginia

  2. This evening, my husband and I were talking about our day and some possible changes coming our way and as we discussed our “options” ( he loves options:-) I pointed out that we are no longer young and changes can be more challenging and scary … we talked about,how fortunate we are that so far we have no serious health problems and then I asked him how old he “feels”. He thought,for a minue and said 55 (he’s 62) and I said 48 (I’m 64) and he asked me if I knew how “hot” I looked when I left to go to my Tuesday morning bowling league this morning … and I asked him if he knew how “hot” he is to me when he says things like that …. I think we still flirt after 38 years together …. YAY

    • Whenever I hear such wonderful things from someone who’s been together for 38 years I am inspired to see such good relationships. My mere 23 years seems like a drop in the bucket! Thanks for the good point on flirting, it’s important to keep in mind. Virginia

  3. Wow! I felt like I was sitting at the table next to you watching the scene unfold. Wondering if you were going to react to your husband’s chatting. But no, you played it cool. And rather than making him pay later he might just be rewarded. That is one lucky man.

    • I”m glad you liked the writing Rob. As far as him being lucky, maybe I’m just a realist about it. I assume that women pay attention to my husband when I’m not around. I don’t blame them because he’s handsome and sexy. Now, if I thought he was reacting, that might be different. In this situation, I doubt if he even remembers the girl. When he reads this, he’ll probably be surprised that I do. Oh wait, did I tell him I was writing this post? Gee, I guess I should go let him read it….sometimes I forget. 😀

  4. I had to laugh when you wrote that when you got back on the bike you wanted to kick his little ass!!

    I’ve been in similar situations with my husband, he just has a very charming personality which is what won me over 11 years ago. Although I’m 14 yrs younger than him and he’s slowed down some….I still try to be that girl he fell in love with.

    In the last year and a half I have learned to embrace his love for motorcycle riding and have joined him on several of his rides.

    • Yes, we do love that charm they have, don’t we? I hope you’ve enjoy the riding as I get lots of points for going on those and I now love it too! Thanks for the comments. Virginia

  5. Ouch! Meaning 1) sorry for your pain and 2) wow, I’ve had that moment, too. Now on to some serious flirting with my husband this week! Thanks for the nudge.

    • We’ll have to check back and see how the flirting goes- good luck with yours- I’m sure I’ll get good results. Thanks for the comment, Virginia

  6. Fabulously written! And such insight. It stinks looking back and realizing what we once were, those great parts we kind of lost along the way. I, too, don’t laugh or flirt with my husband as I once did. Though I’m pretty sure he’d laugh his ass off if I tried any flirty moves now. I’m pretty sure I would, too. 😀

    • Thanks so much for the comment on the writing- I really appreciate it Lisa. And, my husband laughs at me too- but then I notice he pays a lot more attention to me than he has been. Enjoy!

  7. So did you kick his ass after? 😉
    I can relate to this in that I definitely feel I’ve ‘lost’ part of my youngish self as the years have gone by. However, it makes me question why we pressure ourselves into keeping who we were? I’m pretty sure your husband is as in love with you now as he was years ago, maybe even more, because now you possess more wisdom, security and a sense of equanimity he can always count on.

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